Like I said yesterday, I have the advantage in quiting that I didn’t actually quit, but switched to the ecig, so I’m doing much better today than I thought I would be. Although I am not having to go through the nicotine withdraws and most of the other parts and addictions that make it so hard to quit smoking, it still is harder than it should be. Not thinking about it is really the hardest part. What I am finding is also that the lasting effects of smoking are something you miss. While these are caused by the chemicals that are most likely killing you in a cigarette, you start to notice them gone. I don’t really know how to put that into words other than to say it is like a hollow feeling in my lungs. Really its all just confusing.
I know that if I had tried to do this without switching to something else, I not only wouldn’t have been able to quit, much less making it this easy. While I say it is easy, I should clarify. This is a lot easier than any other method I have ever tried. Even with something to replace both the nicotine and the oral addictions, you still get withdraws and feelings that make you want to pick it up. For me it is easier when I talk about these and not just think about them, which is why I am typing any of this at all. The feeling is like a tight pain in your chest. Its like somehow all of the tendons and muscles have been tied together and someone is tightening them individually like shoe laces, but taking all day to do it. Through this you can feel your heart beating and your lungs expanding and contracting under the ever tighter muscles surrounding your ribs.
Last night I had a dream that I needed a cigarette, this morning I started having joint pains, and everytime I do anything I think about smoking. Things like, “wouldn’t it feel good to smoke while doing this”, “a cigarette would help keep me awake right now”, “man I feel stressed I should smoke.” It is like my body and brain are conspiring against me to get me to smoke again. I just wish there was a way to make me forget that cigarettes existed during this time period. I’ve been told that the first three days are the worst, then the first two weeks are. This doesn’t make me hopeful for the next 24 hours, since I am typing this exactly 48 hours since my last cigarette, but we will see what will happen.
What does keep going through my mind is, if its this hard to drop the cigarette while still inhaling nicotine and using a method that emulates smoking, how hard will the nicotine be to give up. I know that is the hardest part in all of this and I haven’t even gotten to that step. I am just getting rid of smoke at this point. The next step is to slowly step down the nicotine to a level that I can either feel that I can have it or not, and not have to have it on me or panic, or to go to zero level ecigs and get rid of nicotine completely. That’s not going to be easy, but even still after doing that I will eventually have to give up the act as well. I’m not going to pay what I am for cartridges to inhale flavored water vapor, there needs to be nicotine in them for me to want to continue doing it. So if I drop to zero level, it is the first step in quitting the act as well. That is getting ahead of myself though, I need to stick to what I need to focus on now. Or should I say I need to not focus on it and try to let it go?
Just one more day for the worse part of the two weeks to break an addiction, then I will be broken of the first of the three addictions I am working to break here.
Man I could use a smoke right now!