That is my feelings wrapped up in full on this. I am at twenty one day’s without a cigarette, how amazing is that?
I have gotten to the point where I am kind of leveling off on how I feel about having one. What I mean isn’t that I don’t want one, but I have started feeling that I do want one at times, and this is really brought on by seeing others smoke or being around a smoker, but at the same time knowing that I am better off not smoking one. It’s really an odd feeling for me. For the most part I don’t really think about it much on my own though.
The worst part of all of this really started over the last couple weeks, for me, the smell. I knew that there was some loss of smell with not smoking and that you got a good amount of that back when you quit, but my god. I didn’t realize how much of a loss it really was. When it comes to smoking itself more so than anything. A smoker kind of stops smelling smoke for the most part. Not that they can’t smell it at all, but unless you are smoking in a closed box, its very faint for most people. Last week I started smelling my clothes, and I am not talking about dirty ones. I washed all my dirty clothes that I was wearing regularly the first week, so that I would get rid of that smell while trying to quit, at first that smell is attractive and reminds you that you aren’t smoking. Last week was a whole new experance, this was when I smelled clean clothes and realized that one regular wash doesn’t get the smoke smell out, and I had started to turn from it being a smell that made me want to get a cigarette, to it being a smell that I couldn’t believe I didn’t notice and allowed myself around others with.
So over the last two weeks I washed everything. I washed all the dirty clothes in the house, all the bedding I might have even accedentally used in the house, and all my clean clothes and bedding, and forget normal wash. Used my dad’s machine set on heavy load, sanitize cycle with extra soap and softener. Even after that, there are a couple of things that still have that smell, but only a small hint of it. For the most part I seem to have gotten rid of it. I also cleaned my car and wipped it down, because it was getting hard to sit in it with that smoke smell. It still smells a litte, but its become tolerable.
It wasn’t until this week though that I started noticing two different things. First off, how other smokers smell. If I could somehow appoligize to every non smoker that had to stand that close to me in a check out line, I would. I closed my eyes and just thought of the fact that he was me just a month ago, and tried not to cry. The other thing that has really started to come back is taste, and I really don’t like how some things taste. For example, I bought this black cherry water flavoring about 6 months ago and liked it alright, but now I don’t like it at all. Can’t wait to run it out and never buy it again. There are a lot of things like that.
Now there is one last thing that I seem to be holding on to, and strangly it is also the first thing. My first reaction to not smoking was being tired. I don’t mean just a little drowsy, but falling over and can’t stay awake tired all the damn time. That has gotten a little better but not much. I don’t know what is in cigarettes that makes this happen, but I am sick of it. Tired right now and I can’t even explain why.
Now I should say something about the ecigs that I used to make this happen. I am still using those. I have heard from pleanty of people in real life about how I haven’t quit but just substituted one cigarette for another. I completely disagree. Water vapor with nicotine isn’t anything like a cigarette. I have been experamenting with different mixes to cut the strength of the nicotine down and even possibly stop ecigs completely, and plan to start cutting them down after I pass my first month as planned, but I don’t see the ecig at this point any different than a patch, and there are plenty of people that use those for really long time periods to quit smoking, and there is not bitching about them just finding a different cigarette. Mine just mimmics the action of smoking at the same time, which is what I really needed.