Why I’ve Been Missing

03 Oct

Some that actually read my updated posts will have noticed a large gap since my last one, and since I updated any of my goal updates. Well, I have some good reasons for that and thought I would get on today and share.

As I mentioned in a past post, I hurt my back a few years back and it has caused some long-term damage requiring me to eventually have surgery. In fact, the surgery, and the added pain from extra fat on my belly, were a big reason that I was doing some of these goals. It is a big factor when you have an injury and realize that your added weight and out of shape life style are adding to actual pain that you have to suffer through now.

A few weeks ago I had noticed that the pain in my back had suddenly, and very sharply, started to get worse. I don’t even know how to describe the pain. It just really hurts. I guess the closest thing I can think of is if someone was hammering a sharpened, and heated, wedge into my lower back and right hip. Then suddenly it started to lock up, well I say lock up, but I am not sure I really know what that feels like. When I say lock up, I do mean that there was no way to move without intense pain, and while not bending or moving did not cause the severe, intense, pain that bending or moving caused, not moving hurt pretty bad as well.

The first time this happened I had to stop working out for a few days, it was just too painful to walk for more than a few minutes at a time. Then I did work out for a couple of days a little over a week ago, then it happened again, and that was the last I worked out. It has seemed like I have been in different stages of pain, well all except not having any, since then. On top of that, I feel like I might have fallen off a little, and stopped watching my food and drink intake as much. But not all for a big loss, I did weigh myself this morning and I have gained only a couple of pounds, and I have actually lost inches.

I did find out when my surgery is, and as of right now it is scheduled for the 19th of this month. At first I was really excited, then I was really relieved, then I realized that it was surgery and was really scared. The worst part to me is that I am single, I don’t get many visitors as it is and don’t have any friends that really hang out, so I think I am mostly scared about being alone and having to take care of myself during recovery. I know I will be spending some time at my parents house after the surgery, but when I get home, I will be on my own, except when my boys are home, then I will be on my own taking care of kids. It’s just a lot to deal with in my mind right now. I just wish I had a different relationship with some people who I should be closer to that would make it so I wouldn’t have to even worry about things like this, but I don’t and I do.

Well, that is my update, I will try to keep posting, even if I am not making progress, but that is all I have for now.

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Posted by on October 3, 2012 in General Post



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