Now I am about to make excuses that will seem unreasonable, but I am working past them, so shut it.
When I started the whole exercising thing, I lived close to a popular walking/running area for where I live. It is a lovely little lake with a 3.4 mile paved trail running around it. All sorts of people walking, running, biking, walking dogs, playing at the parks and so on all the time. I hated it. That sounds odd, but I hated it. The reason I hated it, is the same reason I hate going to local gyms and other places designed for working out. This is simple, I live in a city with a major university and well that makes this all suck. These places are always full of these students that don’t need to fucking be there. Okay, maybe people that work on keeping it early should be there and should be encouraged, blah blah blah blah blah. I am not saying that I don’t have any problem seeing college girls in great shape working out either, I am male, I think that comes with the hardware. The problem is I am not even seeing sex at this point. What I see are these 18-mid 20’s college students, girls and guys, with perfect fucking bodies, barely wearing enough cloth to cover the parts that move when they do, running at even pace. Then I notice them as they then lap me once or twice and notice that they are barely breaking a sweat, they haven’t seemed to slow down, and they smiling like this is fun.
Why would this be an issue, and why do I hate them to my core for it, well that is simple, as they pass me for the second or third time, I am thinking in my head that I just am hoping to survive the 4 miles this trail requires me to finish and be alive at the end, I am only half way, nearing the 2 mile mark, and my shirt looks like I took a dip in the lake along the way I am sweating so much, and I stopped feeling part of my legs already. I am in no way smiling, the joyful spirit that was happy that I was getting out and moving jumped ship about half a mile back when the guy in my head that started calculating the point of no return (the point on the trail where it is shorter to finish rather than to turn around) kicked in. It is about the point of no return when I first think about if I wore the right socks or tied my shoes right to not get blisters, and as I am having that thought, Mr perfect abs and his girlfriend Miss perfect curve run past me for the second time in the running clothes they made with string and a few doilies, and I don’t even want to tell them that, cause they are too young to know what doilies even are.
Well a few months ago I moved away from the lake that I use to walk at frequently. I miss it. Now I live in a neighborhood that is not really near any solid trails or measured areas to walk. Worst of all there are no pretty college students to start my walk out looking at and end it hating. There is just me and the occasional person working in their yard. Sidewalk where there are sidewalks, but the traffic is calm enough to not need them where there aren’t any. I long for just having some noise, but really that isn’t what I miss most. I miss the college students. When you walk alone, and can’t find someone to walk with you regularly, you don’t get a lot of encouragement. What I hated about those college students the most is when they lapped me they gave me a smile or a simple nod. I hated that these people where out there to begin with, and then that they looked at me, cause a lot of them just look at you with this grossed out face, but the ones that worked, the ones lapping me, they always looked and smiled and nodded. They may not have been doing it intentionally, but they were encouraging me by simply recognizing me. I may not be able to get around several time in an hour, but I am trying.
That is the biggest reason I am not out there right now. My kids don’t care if I go walking or if I lay on the couch in my office and watch netflix. They get fed and the laundry gets done both ways. I am single, so I am not getting an encouragement from a partner, and I don’t really have anyone going with me. So I stand at a stand still where I wan’t to start with a small goal and walk a mile a day and increase that to real exercise, but I just feel like I don’t care, and like no one else does, so why should I. I should because of all the reason I have to, but I don’t because if I do it, no one will pat me on the back for it. I know that is stupid, but it is true, and it is the truth making me lazier than ever. I do not know how to work past it, but I will need to in order to get anywhere. I can break my diet down to under 1000 calories a day, but if I don’t burn at least that, what good is it?