So I am still trying to get in the habit of writing stuff down again. It really does help, but it will also be easier once my office at home is all set up and I have a comfortable place to sit and type, since I don’t always find the time at work.
Food is what is on my mind today. I did a good job last year at changing my diet completely and holding myself to it in order to loose weight. In the time between then and now I let that slip quite a bit. I have remained more aware of what I am eating and making sure to diversify the food I am eating, and not just eating crap everyday, but I didn’t stick completely to the diet. There is some blame I put on the fact that healthier food is just more expensive and harder to make. There is also some blame to put on me for not trying harder to find the other options as well. The biggest issue I find myself having is portion control though.
When I started this all in 2012 the doctor put me on these wonderful little pills that made me stop eating when I was full, sometimes before I was. Appetite suppressors work great to help you eat a correct portion of food, but as those went away I have found it easier to eat more than to stick with the amount that I should be eating. The urge to just have something to eat or to eat more is just so over whelming. I stopped buying junk snack food and easy high carb stuff, and now I find myself late at night looking in an almost full pantry thinking how we just have nothing to eat. I don’t want to cook something, nor do I need to be, and I don’t want to eat a can of peaches, I want a fucking cookie or some popcorn, something that tastes great, likely has ten things in it that are killing me and making my diet not work, and will make me feel better and like I ate something.
I feel discouraged weighing myself, know junk food in the house, I go to bed hungry and find myself doing more chores just to stay active and not think about food, and then I’ve gained weight and pants that fit last week don’t this week. I know that I am going through that same thing I went through last time I started this crap where your body adjusts to more water, change in diet and exercise and you put some weight on before losing. I am fully aware that some people do that and IT REALLY SUCKS!!! I just want to be able to stand up without feeling my body weight not putting pressure on my back and hip causing a sharp pain, or to talk to a girl I am attracted to without being convinced that she has no interest in return because of my weight. I want my fucking shirts to fit and not have to go to work wearing them unbuttoned with a clean t shirt underneath. That style went out of style when I was in high school for everyone except fat guys that can’t afford new cloths.
Anyway, got side tracked there a bit. I am working on the food thing. I am not focusing on switching to full healthy food like I did last time, cause that approach simply didn’t work. It worked, but I wasn’t able to sustain it, so it didn’t. I am trying some other options, like making large amounts of food I like at home. I know I like ham, instead of buying deli ham, I am buying half or whole ham, and I can cook it myself. That is just one example, but it is a good one cause it is something that is affordable, since it provides several meals, plus I have full control over the seasonings, how it is trimmed and so on. It isn’t a perfect solution and I need to work on portion control as well, but it is where I am starting.